dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
