two words: eviction party
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
