i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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