we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize