After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
this must be what syphilis tastes like
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
