How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
