Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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