Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize