I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize