You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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