Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize