i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
