I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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