i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
The best walk of shames are on the highway
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
