Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize