I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
