But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
