I'm really into asian looking animals
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
