Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
