I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
