I smell stomach acid.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
