don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize