made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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