I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
