my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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