Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
