Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Come share oat with me in your robe
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
