i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
lets start a swedish sibling band together
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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