I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Rumble strips road head = magical
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
