I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
