Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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