idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize