I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
