ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
