i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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