i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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