i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
