I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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