Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
