so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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