I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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