Three words: puerto rican gang bang
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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