Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Randomize
