PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Randomize
