I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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