we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
The struggles of a small town man whore
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
