my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
