dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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