well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize