its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
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