my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
