Tell her she can't have a vagina
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
