just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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