Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
