my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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