Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
