Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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