new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
