Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
We left the knife in your bed.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
