i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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