How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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