Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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