i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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