Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
