That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
