Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I need water and some morals
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
