my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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