Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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