so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
