he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
