Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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