ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
