The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
