Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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