May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
