so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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