Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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