He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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